Slow Cooking with Crock Pot some General Halfacat’s Chicken

General Halfacat's Chicken
General Halfacat's Chicken

Getting it on till the break of dawn

So we have a new crack tasty recipe that will be getting a lot of rotation on the homefront: General Halfacat’s Chicken. It’s a blantant rip off of this recipe from famed and noted blogger

STEPHANIE O’DEA My name is Stephanie and I have an unnatural obsession with my slow cooker’s Slow Cooker General Tso’s Chicken Recipe

. I’m okay with this because I took the Garlic called for (4 garlic cloves, minced) and increased it X6 by taking the jar of pre minced Garlic and turned it upside down. This allowed me to create an armor coating of garlic all over the Chicken. In essence preparing the carcased warrior one last battle for dignity by becoming my delicious dinner.


If you clicked on the link to the fancy Blogspot™ website above you saw her recipe. I basically took that as my framework and kicked it in the balls:

  • 1.5 Cups of Garlic minced
  • 3 Tablespoons Brown Sugar
  • 2 teaspoons of Ginger dried
  • 2 Tablespoons Soy Sauce (Sprouts has good stuff for cheap, get the big bottle)
  • 2 teaspoons of Chinese Five Spice
  • 1 Chicken (Frys had em for $0.67 per pound, thats quality)
  • 1 Frozen Bag of Veggies (Stir fry veggies is a racist thing to say)

Mix up the first 5 ingredients above (thats why I wrote them in that order, more recipes should follow this standard) in a mixing bowl. Take the Chicken out of the plastic and rinse it out. Its a corpse so there is shit on it that you don’t wanna feel slithering down your throat while you fake a smile at your spouse. Put the Chicken in the mixing bowl and make it happy with the special Garlic happy sauce you made in the first sentence of this paragraph. Now place the Chicken into your Crock Pot/Slow Cooker/Crack Maker and pour the remaining happy sauce onto the Chicken. Place the lid on the cooker, set it to low and leave it alone for 5 hours. Add the veggies and kick that shit up to high for 1 more hour. Let sit for a bit, peel the meat of the bones, add to quinoa or something and the veggies and try not to eat it all by yourself. There should be 6 to 8 meals there and for stoners 4.

Kate and I managed to take two dinners to eat it all but the temptation was there to eat everything the first night.